Myth: Children need to be wrapped in cotton wool to keep them safe

The reality

Health and safety law is often used as an excuse to stop children taking part in exciting activities, but well-managed risk is good for them. It engages their imagination, helps them learn and even teaches them to manage risks for themselves in the future. They won’t understand about risk if they’re wrapped in cotton wool.

Risk itself won’t damage children, but ill-managed and overprotective actions could!
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The Myth Of The Hands-Free Cellphone | Hard Driving Blog & Discussion at Popular Hot Rodding Magazine:
By Johnny Hunkins
Is The New California Law Bogus?
The Myth Of The Hands-Free Cellphone

“An idiot is always going to be an idiot, whether he’s holding a phone, or not.”

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Myth: Health and safety laws banned poles in fire stations

“The reality

It was widely reported that a fire station was built without the traditional pole for ‘health and safety’ reasons.

As the county’s Chief Fire Officer said: ‘Whilst every consideration regarding health and safety was taken into account, the reason a pole was not included was purely due to space restrictions.’

Poles are not banned and firefighters around the country continue to use them.”

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How to Make Duct Tape Safety Glasses:

“All you’re going to need is duct tape, a hanger, a beer bottle and two plastic furniture caster cups.”

THIS IS NO SPOOF – HE IS SERIOUS!
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Myth: Adults can’t put plasters on children’s cuts:

“We’ve often heard of teachers, volunteers and carers being told to ask parents for permission, or even requiring parents to drive over and put the plaster on themselves. This persistent myth causes a lot of unnecessary hassle and worry.

There is no rule that says a responsible adult can’t put a plaster on a child’s minor cut. Some children do have an allergy to normal plasters. If you know a child is allergic you can use the Hypo-allergenic type of plaster. The important thing is to clean and cover the cut to stop it getting infected.”

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‘Conker canker’ outbreak – icWales: May 18 2008 by James McCarthy, Wales On Sunday

“IF HEALTH and safety killjoys don’t stop kids playing conkers first - a highly contagious plant disease might.

Half of the nation’s two million horse chestnut trees have ‘conker canker’ which makes the trunk split and ooze sap.

Trees can be wiped out in just two years and there is no known cure.

The Forestry Commission’s plant health head, Roddie Burgess, said: “This is an unknown bacteria and at this stage we have no idea how it got here, why it affects certain horse chestnuts and not others, or how long it takes to kill a plant.””

OK – PLAYING CONKERS IS BANNED

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PhotoRights.org

Intro | PhotoRights.org: “PhotoRights.org exists to document and record the actions of those who through lack of comprehension, bone-headed officiousness, vested interest or malice, wish to contain and control photography.

We invite participation from all UK amateur and professional photographers and anyone else who values photographic liberty. If you encounter access problems please report them in the forums here and help to demonstrate the scale of the problem before misconceived and often illegal restriction is accepted as inevitable and normal.”

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Myth: Toy ‘weapons’ in a play had to be locked-up and registered with the police

The reality

Reports said that the theatre company were just following HSE’s guidance sheet.

HSE’s guidance is clear; it deals with real weapons and the kind of accurate replicas that can cause serious injury or be used in robberies. Not plastic toys.

We trust the play did well with all the free publicity!
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Myth: If a pupil is hurt, the teacher is likely to be sued

The reality

The main legal duties lie with the employer, not the teacher – or even the head teacher, unless they own the school and employ the staff.

We can’t find a single instance in the past five years of a teacher being personally sued for compensation.

Over the years a handful of teachers have been prosecuted following very serious incidents, but only where they failed to follow direct instructions and departed from common sense.

Teachers who act responsibly will be on the right side of the law.
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Bloody Jobsworths and Health and Safety – Basschat.co.uk: “
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Good old days – 8 -

Rocking Horse
Britain’s tradition of rocking horse manufacture, which has its roots in knights practising their jousts, could be crippled by new European safety regulations (CENLEC). According to the new standards, “activity toys” cannot have a height from saddle to floor of more than 60cm, less than two feet. That effectively rules out all but the smallest rocking horses, say craftsmen in the cottage industry’s 60 or so firms who comprise the £35m per annum industry. (EU Weekly News – C Mobray 30/11/03 )
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Good old days – 7 -

ESSO blue banned. And EU directive has banned the use of blue dye used to identify domestic paraffin. This is to make it less attractive to children, who might be tempted to drink it. (Daily Telegraph letter 8 March 1999)
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Good old days – 6 -

Fire Certificate
Landladies with lodgers will have to have a fire certificate. Works for this will cost on average UKP900. Similarly, anyone working from home who may have a visitor will have to have the same fire certificate. The CEC deny that home workers have to have fire doors. The extension of the rules to all premises however small where the public could have access is a Home Office interpretation. (Indy 29/7/92). The Place of Work Act was due for implementation in 1993 but was deferred owing to the cost estimated to be GBP1.7bn. Revised regulations have been produced which the British Retail Consortium alone reckons will cost retailers GBP230m. Mike Fisher has threatened to resign from the government’s deregulation task force because he believes the new regulations will cost business hundreds of millions of pounds. He says ministers are too willing to accept new regulations from Brussels (FT 6/12/96).
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All office equipment must be tested by a qualified electrician every year

The myth: All office equipment must be tested by a qualified electrician every year
The reality
No. The law requires employers to assess risks and take appropriate action.
HSE’s advice is that for most office electrical equipment, visual checks for obvious signs of damage and perhaps simple tests by a competent member of staff are quite sufficient.
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Good old days – 5 -

THOUSANDS of farmers and other workers are to be banned from driving tractors, lorries and dumper trucks for much of the working day under an EU directive on vibrating machinery. The restrictive limits of the EU Physical Agents (Vibration) Directive were agreed in Brussels yesterday and will be published this summer. The directive was immediately condemned by the National Farmers’ Union as a “masterpiece in madness”. The NFU led opposition to the directive because it meant farmers would have been forbidden from driving a tractor for more than three to four hours a day. That limit was roughly doubled yesterday and farmers were given a five-year extension to convert existing tractors and machinery to comply with the directive. Any restriction on the time farmers can spend at the wheel of their tractors will have big cost implications, particularly at harvest time. However, the impact of the law will be even heavier on other industries. The Health and Safety Executive said yesterday that it would cost £3 billion to £4.8 billion to implement. Ben Gill, the NFU president, said: “This directive has been driven through without any scientific justification. This is the European nanny state gone mad.” Using an arcane formula to measure the “whole body vibration”, the time limit for using a chainsaw would be one and a half hours. Lorry drivers would be restricted to working for only six hours and dumper truck drivers to two hours. The time limits for using a road drill would be 47 minutes. Road haulage companies say the directive could triple operating costs. The Tories say that the limits, which are designed to prevent lower back pain, will ruin the building industry and hamper farming. They are urging the Government to block the legislation. The directive now has to be rubber-stamped by the European Parliament and the EU’s Council of Ministers. The Government will have three years to implement the regulations. (Daily Telegraph 14/03/2002(Again))
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Health and Safety, You See

Iain Dale’s Diary: Health and Safety, You See: “Yesterday I visited ITN in Grays Inn Road. When I entered the building I was asked if I minded having my bag searched. No problem, I said. It’s a large briefcase type bag, which has a lot of pockets and carries my laptop. I undid the two clasps and expected the man to have a good ‘rootle’ (as we say in Essex) but he just stood there and looked inside – not that he could see much as it was crammed full. I asked him if he wasn’t going to search the bag. Oh no, he said. He couldn’t put his hands inside – health and safety, you see. And then came the clincher. ‘You never know what might be in there!’ There’s not a lot you can say to that, is there?”

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bad safety joke

There was a young safety manager from Kent
Whose nose was all battered and bent.
One day he arose and followed his nose
And no one knew which way he went.
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Forklift joke

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he’d have to withhold ten percent of Arnold’s wages to pay for the repairs. “How much will it cost?” asked Arnold. “About £2,500,” said the owner.
“What a relief!” exclaimed Arnold. ‘I’ve finally got job security!”
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Fire Drill
A voice on the office loudspeaker announced:

“We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work properly in case of emergency.”

My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added:

“If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact us.”
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Fireman’s pole banned for being a "health and safety hazard"!

Fireman’s pole banned for being a “health and safety hazard”!: “London, August 5: Firefighters in the UK are scorching mad after the traditional fireman’s pole was banned from a new 2.4 million pound station because it posed a ‘health and safety hazard’.

The firefighters will now be forced to run down the stairs of the newly built three-storey Greenbank Fire Station in Plymouth, Devon, raising concerns that vital seconds will be lost on their way to an emergency call.”

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Lost on an Island

A Safety Officer took a cruise to the Caribbean. It was wonderful; the experience of his life. But, alas, a hurricane came up unexpectedly and the ship went down. He was swept onto the shore of an island. No people, no supplies, nothing.

He explored but found nothing other that some bananas and coconuts. He was desperate and forlorn, but what could he do? For the next four months ate bananas, drank coconut juice and looked for a ship to come to his rescue.

One day, he spotted a rowboat coming from what looked like the other side of the island. In it was a gorgeous woman: She was tawny and tanned, and her hair flowing in the breeze gave her an ethereal quality. When she reached him, he asked excitedly, “where did you come from? How did you get here? “She said, “I rowed from the other side of the island. My cruise ship sank four months ago.” “Amazing,” he said, “I didn’t know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You are really lucky that a rowboat washed up with you.”

There is no one else–only me,” she said, “and the rowboat didn’t wash up. I built it out of raw material I found on the island. The oars I whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from an eucalyptus.”

“But–but,” asked the man, “What did you use for tools?” “Oh, no problem,” replied the woman, “On the south side of the island there is a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable iron.

But enough of that,” she said. Where do you live?” The man confessed he had been sleeping on the beach.

“Let’s row over to my place,” she said. So they got into the rowboat and left for her side of the island. The woman tied up the rowboat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk to an exquisite bungalow. “It’s not much,” she said, “but I call it home. Would you like a drink?” “No,” he answered, “One more coconut juice and I will puke.” “I have a still,” said the woman, “How about a PinaColada?” Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch.

After a while, the woman asked, “Tell me, have you always had a beard?” “No,” the man replied, “I was clean shaven all my life.” “Well, if you would like to shave, there is a razor in the cabinet in the upstairs bathroom.” The man, no longer questioning anything, went to the bathroom. In the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to an edge were fastened to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back downstairs. “You look great,” she said. “I think I will slip into something more comfortable.

“After a short time, she returned wearing strategically positioned fig leaves and smelling faintly of gardenia. “Tell me,” she asked, “We have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. Have you been lonely? Is there anything that you miss? Something that all men and women crave? Something that would be really nice to have right now?” “Yes there is,” the man replied, and moved closer to her. “Tell me, do you have an Internet connection?”

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Executioner, the axe and the safety officer

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an Safety Officer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, “Head up or head down?” “Head up,” said the doctor.
“Blindfold or no blindfold?”
“No blindfold.”

So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade–and stopped barely an inch above the doctor’s neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn’t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. “Head up or head down?” said the executioner. “Head up,” said the chemist.
“Blindfold or no blindfold?”
“No blindfold.”

So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade–and stopped an inch above the chemist’s neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn’t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

Finally the Safety Officer was led up to the guillotine. “Head up or head down?” asked the executioner. “Head up.”
“Blindfold or no blindfold?”
“No blindfold.”

So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the Safety Officer yelled out, “WAIT! I see what the problem is!”
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Definition of a safety manager

Sandwiched tightly between Top Brass and the teaming masses sits a wild-eyed individual madly singing a safety tune. He’s the most misunderstood, maligned and unsung person in all the world of business. He’s the proverbial “SAFETY PROFESSIONAL”.

This fellow’s a little bit of all strata’s….a member of none. To the employee or worker he’s a tool of management; to management, he’s just another employee.

He finds his job interesting. He speaks for management from the “Ivory Tower” and then runs out to the Production Area, Warehouse or Work Site to hear how it sounds. He must keep his head in the “brass’ board room”, his feet in the muck…. a difficult position to keep from falling on his butt.
He has the curiosity of a cat….the tenacity of a mother in law…the determination of a taxi driver…the nervous system of a race car driver…the digestive capacity of a goat…the simplicity of a jackass…the diplomacy of a wayward husband…the hide of a rhinoceros…the speed of a rocket and the good humor of an idiot.

He has the busiest, shrewdest, plottingest, worryingest, most thoroughly washed brain of any human. His mail basket is always full, his desk is a constant mess and his calendar looks like cave drawings. Nobody has been given the run-around as often, has been passed so many bucks, is left holding so many bags, and has cut his way through so much red tape.
The SAFETY PROFESSIONAL keeps the coffee plantations, aspirin plants, liquor distilleries and the midnight oil companies in business. He must tread lightly over mountains of eggs, knowing where to tread and, more importantly, when and where NOT to tread. You’ll find him everywhere…shouting loudly over the din of a bunch of roaring engines, whispering softly in the hallowed precincts of thick-carpeted offices.

Whenever there is an accident, the SAFETY PROFESSIONAL is often called in to explain why and how it happened. He’s expected pull rabbits out of nonexistent hats; when the job is thankless, he gets it. He must engender interests in good housekeeping to people who live in garage sale clutter …promote wider responsibility to people who have a narrow focus … preach safety to people who think they don’t need it. He must listen to the phrase, ‘that’s always the way we’ve done it,” until he vomits.
Despite all the careful planning he is usually found dangling on a deadline…he’s the original cat on the hot tin roof…in the middle of a muddle and of course LATE. The master of understatement, he must make fire protection sound as essential as religion and an accident cost sound like the national debt.

He’s suppose to be a “specialist” who can breath new life into committees and meetings… leadership into management… cooperation into supervisory personnel… responsibility into employees/workers. He must inspire without propaganda… propagandize without being obvious. He parks his 1980′s jalopy between the boss’ new Mercedes and the janitor’s SUV. When he’s clever, it goes unnoticed…when he stubs his toe, the world is there to see and mock it.

To him a headache is normal; he’d have ulcers if he could afford them. He has more critics than Harry Truman. He meets more people who think they know more about safety than the company has conveyor hooks.
He can never be right. When he simplifies, he’s pandering. When he gets a little technical, he’s over their head. Half the people wonder what he does… the other half know what he does but think he’s doing it wrong! When an idea turns out lousy and after the blame has been thoroughly kicked between the employee/worker, foreman and supervisor, it winds up in his lap.

More people bend his ear than anybody else’s. Everybody thinks he always has time to stop and listen to a joke…hear a gripe…attend a meeting… serve on a committee. He does, and winds up taking most of his work home.

He has no peer in the realm of praise, propaganda and procrastination. He knows he’s right; only the world thinks he’s wrong. If he has an idea, it was stolen. However, a stolen idea is research! Where else do you think the background material for this sad tale of woe about a Safety Professional originated?
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The Battle of Trafalgar

Battle of 1805 a significant naval scrap Britannia vs. Spain (Pre Beckham, Owen & Real Madrid) and notable for zero US influence, other than Hollywood recreations that portray Nelson as a paid up Republican!

Nelson – Admiral of the Fleet,
Hardy – his loyal mate:-

Nelson: “Order the signal, Hardy.”
Hardy: “Aye, aye sir.”
Nelson: “Hold on, that’s not what I dictated to the signal officer. What’s the meaning of this?”
Hardy: “Sorry sir?”
Nelson (reading aloud): “England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability”. “What gobbledygook is this?”

Hardy: “Admiralty policy, I’m afraid, sir. We’re an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil’s own job getting ‘England’ past the censors, lest it be considered racist.”

Nelson: “Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco.”

Hardy: “Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments.”

Nelson: “In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle.”

Hardy: “The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government’s policy on binge drinking.”

Nelson: “Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we’d better get on with it …full speed ahead.”

Hardy: “I think you’ll find that there’s a 4 knot speed Limit in this stretch of water.”

Nelson: “Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle In history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow’s nest please.”

Hardy: “That won’t be possible, sir.”

Nelson: “What?”

Hardy: “Health and safety have closed the crow’s nest, sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladder doesn’t meet regulations. They won’t let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected.”

Nelson: “Then get me the ship’s carpenter without delay, Hardy.”

Hardy: “He’s busy knocking up a wheelchair access
to the fo’c'sle Admiral.”
Nelson: “Wheelchair access? I’ve never heard anything so absurd.”

Hardy: “Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled.”

Nelson: “Differently abled? I’ve only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn’t rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card.”

Hardy: “Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under- represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.”

Nelson: “Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons.”

Hardy: “A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won’t let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don’t want anyone breathing in too much salt-haven’t you seen the adverts?”

Nelson: “I’ve never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.”

Hardy: “The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.”

Nelson: “What? This is mutiny.”

Hardy: “It’s not that, sir. It’s just that they’re afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.”

Nelson: “Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?”

Hardy: “Actually, sir, we’re not.”

Nelson: “We’re not?”

Hardy: “No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, We shouldn’t even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation.”

Nelson: “But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.”

Hardy: “I wouldn’t let the ship’s diversity co-ordinator Hear you saying that sir. You’ll be up on disciplinary.”

Nelson: “You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King.”

Hardy: “Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it’s the rules. It could save your life”

Nelson: “Don’t tell me – health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?”

Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there’s a ban on corporal punishment.” Nelson: “What about sodomy?”
Hardy: “I believe that is now legal, sir.”

Nelson: “In that case …kiss me, Hardy.

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