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A new safety officer went into the works canteen on the construction site for the first time for a cuppa, he hung his coat and hard hat in the cloakroom and sat down. Unfortunately, the scaffolders always had a habit of picking on new employees, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his hard hat had been stolen.
He went back into the canteen, handily flipped his clip board into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and slapped it down hard onto the table, ‘CRACK’
“Which one of you pole jumpers stole my hat?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
“Alright, I’m gonna have another cuppa, and if my hat ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I did in London! And I don’t like to have to do what I did in London!”
Some of the scaffolders shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another cuppa, walked outside, and his hard hat has been returned to the cloakroom.
He started to go back to his office. The site foreman wandered out of the canteen and asked, “Oi mate, before you go… what happened in London?”
The safety officer turned back and said, “I had to buy a new hat.”
Safety news, safety photos and a few safety jokes
A hurricane came unexpectedly.
The ship went down and was lost.
The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no
supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 5-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do, so for the next four months he ate bananas,drank coconut juice and longed for his old life and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him.
In disbelief, he asked her: “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”
“I rowed from the other side of the island,” she said. “I landed here when my cruise ship sank.”
“Amazing,” he said. “I didn’t know anyone else had survived. How many are there? You were lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.”
“It’s only me,” she said, “and the rowboat didn’t wash up; nothing did.”
He was confused. “Then how did you get the rowboat?”
“Oh, simple,” replied the woman. “I made the rowboat out of materials that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.”
“B-B-But that’s impossible,” stuttered the man. “You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?”
“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman. “On the other side of the island there is a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that,” she said. “Where do you live?”
Sheepishly, he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time.
“Well, let’s row over to my place, then,” she said.
After a few minutes of rowing she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked to the shore he nearly fell out of the boat.
Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walked into the house, she said casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please; would you like a drink?”
“No, no thank you,” he said, still dazed. “I can’t take any more coconut juice.”
“It’s not coconut juice,” the woman replied. “I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?” Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, “I’m going to slip into something comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.”
No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened onto it’s end inside a swivel mechanism. “This woman is amazing,” he mused. “What next?”
When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines – strategically
positioned – and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.
“Tell me,” she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, “we’ve been out here for a very long time. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for all these months. You know…” She stared into his eyes. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“You mean–?” he replied, “I can check my e-mail from here?”
Safety news, safety photos and a few safety jokes