safety photos
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safety photos
Safety news, safety photos and a few safety jokes
Updates from September, 2006 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts
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Tools
DRILL PRESS
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the work bench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, “Ouch….”
PLIERS
Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS
Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub you’re trying to get the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS
Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ socket you’ve been searching for the last 15 minutes.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2 X 4
Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.
PHONE
Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER
Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-do off your boot.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR
A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST
A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of bolts and fuel lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN ½ x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER
A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS
See hacksaw.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER
Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
PRY BAR
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER
A tool used to cut hoses ½ inch too short.
HAMMER
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
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safety photos
Safety news, safety photos and a few safety jokes -
safetyphoto
Big bang
An explosion occurs in a paint mixing room, and once all the mess has been cleared up, the inquiry begins.
One of the few surviving witnesses is called to make a statement. “Okay Simpson,” says the investigator, “you were near the scene – what happened ?”
“Well, it’s like this. Old Charlie was in the mixing room, the break bell went off, old Charlie sat on top of a drum of acetone, I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and start to light up.”
“He struck a match in the mixing room?” the investigator said in stunned horror, “How long had he been working in the mixing room?”
“About 20 years, sir”
“After 20 years he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I’d have thought it would have been the last thing he’d do.”
“It was, sir.”
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safety photos
Safety news, safety photos and a few safety jokes -
safetyphoto
safetyphoto safety photo: “Site updated 02/09/2006 – New safety photos in members area”
